Leslie asked me if I wanted to write a post, since she told me that the several that she has written have been good for her. I thought about it a day or two and thought that it would be good for me too.
I'm not even sure where to start. I've felt so many emotions and have cried so much. I've been sad, mad, moody, upset, happy, tired, and drained. So, I'm sure I'm about to ramble.
I am so proud of Leslie. She has been so strong and I love her more everyday. I am thankful that God is using this to draw us closer to each other, and that we are there to support each other as different emotions hit us at different times.
I am thankful for Mason and how sweet he has been this week. We have bonded so much. I have cherished the snuggles I've been getting each night before bed and thank God that he has given him to us.
I'm thankful for all the support that we have gotten through texts, calls, and messages.
The hardest thing for me has been when I am doing something and think about how I was soon supposed to be doing this with another baby. I'm getting better, but the first few nights I would cry as I was putting Mason to bed, knowing that I have a child that I'll never be able to sing sweet songs to.
We have a book about 5 little bumble bees that Mason likes, and I still get caught up when we get down to 2.
I feel helpless when Leslie is feeling aches and pains and there is nothing I can do to relieve her of that.
I feel confused about why this happened, but like Leslie has said, I can see God's hand in the weeks leading up to this.
I thank God for helping me talk things through with Leslie. I am not naturally a talker and tend to clam up.
I praise God through all of this. He is good and loves us, and I love him. I don't know why He allowed this to happen, but I have faith in Him and know that he will heal us.
I am thankful I was able to take the whole week off. I am not looking forward to going back to work on Monday, knowing I am going to have to talk about this. My heart is so heavy.
Thank you for your support.