Tuesday, July 7, 2015

My Current Thoughts

Yesterday's post was incredibly therapeutic for me. So much so that Matt is strongly considering writing one for himself.

I don't want to let this experience just go by the wayside without sharing my thoughts and feelings because it is helping me to work through it and I hope in some small way, it helps someone else, too.

*I'm not as sad as I thought I would be. Now, there is no doubt, I'm sad but I think more than that, I've been mad. I'm not mad at God because as you read in my last post we have seen his hand in this experience so much already. I'm just mad that things like this happen in general, that so many women feel like they can't share what happened to them because they are afraid. Mad that my sweet boy doesn't get to be a big brother YET. Mad that it took us 6 months to get pregnant (only took 2 with Mason) and then we had a miscarriage 2 months later and now we cannot try again for a while.

*I'm also a little mad at myself for being mad...haha

*I'm in awe of how many amazing people have reached out to us in this time. They have shared their incredible words with us of hope, support and prayers for healing. They have shared their own stories which have blown me away. I had no idea that so many strong women that I am surrounded by every day have been through similar experiences.

*I have made a promise that when another woman shares with me in the future that she has just gone through something like this, I won't turn away. I will offer the kind word, share the meal, say the prayer etc. Whatever the Lord calls me to do, I pray I will do exactly that.

*I've also learned that experiencing a miscarriage is HARD and I know there are still hard days to come. However, one of the hardest parts was making phone calls to our parents. I mean, that baby is one of their grandchildren.

*It's okay if friends and family don't know what to say. I'm not looking for any particular words. I'm not sure any of them would make me feel any better BUT the heartfelt word offered at the time ordained by God goes straight to my heart.

*My husband is wonderful. He has helped so much with Mason which he always does but especially more so these last few days since I'm so sore and it's hard for me to pick him up. He has also shown the extreme of his sensitive side. He's been emotional and it has been special to comfort him and to be comforted by him.

*God has given our sweet boy an extra dose of sweet over the last few days. He has been so snuggly and it's almost as though deep down, he knows that Mom and Dad need some extra sweet time. We are soaking it up!

*I'm so grateful for those who have brought meals and snacks for us. Not having to cook as much as I would normally has been a big help.

*God is such a comforter. Seriously, we've never felt so much peace and comfort and I know it comes straight from the prayers of our family and friends.

1 comment:

  1. Oh sweet Leslie. I just went back and read your story. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry, and to thank you for sharing your story. I think it's important to be open when you go through something like this, and I wish I could give you a hug and bring you a meal. Cooking's my love language. You and your family are prayed for today.