I'm not even sure where to start. I've felt so many emotions and have cried so much. I've been sad, mad, moody, upset, happy, tired, and drained. So, I'm sure I'm about to ramble.
I am so proud of Leslie. She has been so strong and I love her more everyday. I am thankful that God is using this to draw us closer to each other, and that we are there to support each other as different emotions hit us at different times.
I am thankful for Mason and how sweet he has been this week. We have bonded so much. I have cherished the snuggles I've been getting each night before bed and thank God that he has given him to us.
I'm thankful for all the support that we have gotten through texts, calls, and messages.
The hardest thing for me has been when I am doing something and think about how I was soon supposed to be doing this with another baby. I'm getting better, but the first few nights I would cry as I was putting Mason to bed, knowing that I have a child that I'll never be able to sing sweet songs to.
We have a book about 5 little bumble bees that Mason likes, and I still get caught up when we get down to 2.
I feel helpless when Leslie is feeling aches and pains and there is nothing I can do to relieve her of that.
I feel confused about why this happened, but like Leslie has said, I can see God's hand in the weeks leading up to this.
I thank God for helping me talk things through with Leslie. I am not naturally a talker and tend to clam up.
I praise God through all of this. He is good and loves us, and I love him. I don't know why He allowed this to happen, but I have faith in Him and know that he will heal us.
I am thankful I was able to take the whole week off. I am not looking forward to going back to work on Monday, knowing I am going to have to talk about this. My heart is so heavy.
Thank you for your support.
-Matt
Matt, I'm so glad you wrote a post. It was good to read from your perspective and know better how to pray for you both. I am just so very sorry...and I commend you for being free to feel the things you feel and to be open with God and others about your struggles. Though I know this wasn't where either of you wanted to be right now, I praise God alongside both of you for this little life that has taught you both so much without ever saying a word. What a blessing this baby is, even though right now, the hurt of loss rises so high. Sending much love to all of you!
ReplyDeleteYour words are so appreciated. Matt said that writing definitely has helped him to move forward. We are SO grateful for your prayers!
DeleteMatt, I haven't met you like I did Leslie, but I have followed ya'll here and have always been so impressed with the relationship ya'll have together and with God. While I can't begin to explain why things like this happen to beautiful people like ya'll, I do know God is with you both every step of the way. I'm so very sorry for your and Leslie's loss and appreciate the openess you have with all of us. Keeping you both in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMatt, I haven't met you like I did Leslie, but I have followed ya'll here and have always been so impressed with the relationship ya'll have together and with God. While I can't begin to explain why things like this happen to beautiful people like ya'll, I do know God is with you both every step of the way. I'm so very sorry for your and Leslie's loss and appreciate the openess you have with all of us. Keeping you both in my prayers.
ReplyDelete